She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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