Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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