i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
