She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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