It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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