So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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