Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
