It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
