I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she pinky promised me she was 18
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
