did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
