so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
You smell like stripper and shame
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
