I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
