well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
