now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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