How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
