it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
