GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
