omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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