Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
