I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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