I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
