My Higher Power is John Stamos
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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