How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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