The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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