my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
