Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
