I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
