respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
being pregnant is like rehab
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
