dude i'm inner monologue high
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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