my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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