this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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