Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Well I just put wine in my tea
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
