if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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