I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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