Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
