The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
