She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
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She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
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Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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