I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
