My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
