Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
