I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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