im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
