I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
