Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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