im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
