I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
