i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
