she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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