his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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