you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
