U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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