it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
