he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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