I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
