M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
