there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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