WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
