At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
