In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
