Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
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The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
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