party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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