things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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