I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
