so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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